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But as time went on, Abby realized Wes wanted more. She saw the longing in his eyes when he kissed her good-bye. She could hear the neediness in his voice when he’d ask her why she wasn’t staying over or why she’d left so early. She’d had to end things between them before anyone got hurt. He’d fought her because that’s who he was, a stand-up guy. Or maybe he fought her because the idea of losing both her and Lily was too much, even for him. But she’d been adamant—this time, they were done.
Three weeks later, the alien invader made its presence known. Every day for a week, she drove by the Planned Parenthood, trying to convince herself that this was the right choice. She kept telling herself that she didn’t care about the baby or about Wes. He didn’t even have to know. She didn’t want to trap him, and she knew that’s what she’d be doing if she had his child. But in the end, she couldn’t do it. She might be a total asshole in every aspect of her life, but she owed him the truth. She told him over pancakes at the IHOP, and Wes had done exactly what she’d expected.
“Let’s make a go of this. Let’s be a family,” he said. For the first few months, Abby went along with Wes, moving in with him. Playing house, she thought. She’d been overwhelmed with the changes to her body but she’d tried. She’d really tried (and fuck anyone who said she hadn’t). But they constantly fought. Or, as Wes said when he’d packed his bags, “All you do is pick fights.”
He wasn’t wrong. Anything he did seemed to set her off—his tone of voice, his morning breath, his constant monitoring of her nutritional intake. She should have never allowed him to get close. Keeping people away was Abby’s only means of self-preservation, and then she’d gone ahead and screwed it all up.
After Lily vanished, Abby realized that she really didn’t like that many people. Most of them annoyed the hell out of her. They kept on and on about things that meant absolutely nothing. Prom and boys and college and the future. Her past, her present, and her future vanished that dreary Tuesday in September.
“Don’t you see?” she wanted to scream at them. “It’s all so pointless.”
How could any of that crap matter when her sister was out there somewhere? She knew Lily was out there. They were twins. She would know if Lily had died. Abby kept saying over and over again that Lily wasn’t dead, but no one would listen. Not Mom or Dad. Not the half dozen therapists she’d been forced to see.
“Until you accept your sister’s death, you’ll never have a normal life.”
But that was it; Abby didn’t want a normal life. A normal life was a lie. A normal life was the life she’d had with Lily. She called bullshit on a normal life. But the rest of the world didn’t. They wanted normal. They’d moved on. Because people had a time limit on compassion. Not that they didn’t care. The entire town had been devastated after Lily disappeared. They went into mourning. All of the schools closed. Grief counselors were on-call 24/7. Police roamed the streets, vigilant in their desire to protect the young women of Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Agonizing months passed as the entire city held its collective breath, waiting for closure, for answers. But there were no leads. No matter how much they loved Lily, they had to move on. Before long, Lily was nothing but a memory, a face emblazoned on a memorial in the administrative office.
But Abby couldn’t let go. That sweater. The goddamn sweater she’d accused Lily of losing. Why did she have to make such a big deal about it? Why did she have to take the car and leave Lily at school? Why couldn’t she have been nice instead of acting like a total fucking bitch?
Abby took another bite of pie, trying to forget about the sweater, always trying to forget about the sweater and the choices she’d made that day. She had nearly devoured the entire pie when she heard the doorbell ringing.
“Abby, it’s Wes. I know you’re here. Your car is in the driveway.”
What in God’s name was Wes doing here? When would he learn?
“Abby, open the goddamn door.”
Enraged, she raced to the entryway and swung open the front door, ready to tell him that enough was enough. Her mouth fell open as she stared at Wes and what appeared to be half the Lancaster Police Department.
“I’ve been calling you nonstop. Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
Abby became very aware of her appearance. There was almost certainly chocolate on her face. She quickly wiped away crumbs from her T-shirt, hating herself for caring.
“I didn’t hear the phone.”
“So you’re okay?”
“Other than the fact you’re here on my porch at dawn? Yes, I’m fine. Seriously, Wes, what is going on?”
A weathered cop stepped forward, his hand on his service weapon as he peered inside. Several deputies stood behind him, watching, waiting for his signal.
“Is there anyone in the house, ma’am? Anyone else on the premises?”
“What? No. No one’s here.”
“Do you mind if my men take a look?”
He didn’t wait for an answer; made to brush past her and go inside. She held out her hand to stop him.
“You can’t come in here,” Abby said.
Wes pulled her away from the door.
“Abby, for God’s sake, shut your mouth and do what you’re told.”
This time Abby flinched. Wes never spoke that way. Not to her. She took in his ragged appearance. Hair uncombed, heavy stubble, and wearing his ratty Penn sweatpants and sweatshirt, the clothes he always slept in. But this wasn’t like Wes. He never left the house without a pressed shirt. Hell, he ironed his goddamn jeans. She realized he must have rolled out of bed and showed up at her door. Abby stared past him. Several of her neighbors were eyeing them curiously. In an instant, she realized there was something seriously fucked up going on. She grabbed the doorframe to steady herself.
“It’s Mom, isn’t it? Oh my God, is she…? I have to call her. I have to talk to her. I heard the phone ring, but I…” Abby paused. What could she say? I was stuffing my face with an entire fucking pie!
She could feel herself beginning to spiral. That’s how she’d always described it to the doctors. Heavy breathing, then the spins, and seconds later, it consumed her. Total blackness. Was it true? Was Mom really gone? That had to be it. But if that was the case, why were the police here? Wes stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. Abby tried to fight him, but he held on tight.
“Breathe, Abby. Just breathe.”
She was feeling nauseous, the pie threatening to make its way back up. Why did she eat the whole thing? She was disgusting, that’s why. So disgusting… and now Mom was dead, and Abby was the bitch that had ignored the call. First the sweater and Lily. Now Mom! She swallowed again. Inhale. Exhale.
She leaned into him, her heart racing. He kept whispering.
“You’re okay. You’re okay, Abs.”
He held on to her until her breathing slowed.
“Are you listening to me?”
His voice was so serious she had to look up at him, had to hear what he was going to say.
“Lily’s back. Your sister came home.”
A rushing, roaring sound consumed Abby. She froze, hearing the words over and over again. Your sister came home. Your sister came home. Your sister came home. It wasn’t possible. That’s what everyone said. Maybe this was a trick? Some punishment Wes had devised to get back at her for being such a bitch? But Wes wasn’t the cruel one. Everyone knew that. He was still staring at her, waiting for the news to register. Abby pushed Wes away.
“You’re lying,” she said angrily.
“I’m not…”
“You saw her? You saw Lily?”
“No, but I spoke to Eve and she said that Lily’s alive. It’s like you always said, Abs. Your sister is alive.”
After eight years—3,110 days—the darkness that had encompassed Abby seemed to evaporate. She didn’t cry. She didn’t scream. She didn’t say a word. She simply turned and headed toward the nearest squad car, barefoot, wearing her chocolate-stained T-shirt and oversized pajama bottoms. Police radios squawked as officers seemed to spring into motion. She heard Wes talking in hushed, hurried tones with a cop. Someone wrapped a coat around her shoulders, but she ignored them, settling herself in the back of the squad car. She waited, keeping her breathing slow and controlled. Moments later, Wes joined her in the backseat, slipping a pair of boots on her feet. An officer climbed into the front and started up the engine.
Lily was home. Of course she was. Why had she let them doubt her or her sister? Abby wanted to stand on the roof of the largest building in town and scream at the top of her lungs, “My sister’s alive. She’s alive. I told you all!” But Abby had to be calm. She didn’t want to give anyone a reason to worry about her, to medicate her, or try to manipulate this moment she’d spent years dreaming about.
The cruiser sped down the road, police sirens wailing. After a moment or two, Wes grabbed Abby’s hand. She didn’t pull away. His calm-in-a-crisis demeanor soothed her as she tried to prepare herself. Abby didn’t know what Lily had been through, but Abby knew she’d have to be strong enough for both of them.
Thoughts of their reunion overwhelmed her. She stared down at her stained T-shirt and ran her hands through her short red hair. Would Lily see her and think she was a fat slob? Or worse, a loser? They’d spent their entire childhood planning their escape to Manhattan. Abby had done nothing really. She was no one. A small-town nurse and former addict who wasn’t even allowed to dispense meds to her patients. Abby’s face flushed with shame as she thought about all these years that she’d wasted. Why hadn’t she done more to make Lily proud?
Just then, the alien invader kicked and Abby winced, her pulse quickening. For the first time since she’d gotten the news about Lily, Abby realized she’d have to explain this thing to her sister.
Hey, sorry, but while you were gone, I fucked your boyfriend, and he knocked me up. Jesus Christ, Lily would hate her. Trying to keep her composure, Abby let go of Wes’s hand.
“She can’t know about us,” Abby said.
“What are you talking about?” Wes looked confused.
“Lily can’t know about us. Not until I’ve talked to her. Until I can explain.”
“Abby, don’t start creating problems…”
“I’m telling you, I need time. We need time. After all these years, Lily and I deserve this. I won’t let you ruin that.”
That familiar flicker of hurt danced across Wes’s face. Whatever. Abby couldn’t worry about him. She had Lily to think about now. She would do anything to protect her sister. Maybe she could give Wes the baby, and he would go away. It was an idea, something she’d have to consider. All she cared about was seeing Lily again. Hang on, Lil. I’m coming. Just hang on.
CHAPTER EIGHT
LILY
Jesus, Eve, we’ve got half the department here, and she’s taking a goddamn bath?”
Lily could hear their voices. Men’s voices. Her mother was clearly trying to manage the situation. Only this didn’t sound like her mother either. This woman sounded nervous and hesitant.
“I know, Tommy. I know. But she insisted. She was terrified, freezing, and soaking wet. What was I supposed to say? ‘No, you can’t clean up’? God knows what she’s been through.”
Lily forced herself to block out their voices. When she’d heard the sirens growing closer, her only thought was of getting dry and clean. She’d needed warm clothes and a few minutes to think about what was going to happen.
She undressed Sky first and then slipped off her own wet clothes. Lily chucked all of their clothing in the trash can. Water gushed from the faucet in a heavy stream. Sky was staring at the claw-foot tub, her eyes panic-filled. Back home, they’d had a small makeshift shower but the plumbing was faulty. Lily had to fill buckets from the kitchenette and transport them to the bathroom. The water was never warm enough. Never. She couldn’t wait to get into an actual tub, but Sky appeared on the verge of a breakdown, her lower lip quivering.
“Don’t be afraid, Chicken. This is a bathtub. It’s going to feel so good and we’ll get all nice and clean.”
“I wanna go home. Daddy Rick’s gonna be mad if we’re not there.”
Lily’s stomach dropped at the mention of his name. She hadn’t considered how she would explain who Rick really was, what he was. Sky loved him as much as she feared him. He was her father, the only other person she’d ever known. Right now though, Lily was too overwhelmed for explanations.
“Don’t worry about Daddy Rick. We need to get clean and warm. Don’t you want to take a bath with Mommy?”
Sky, it seemed, had reached her breaking point. She began to cry, her tiny body racked with sobs. Lily lifted Sky into her arms. Slowly, she lowered them both into the warm, soapy bath, her child wailing.
“The water feels good, doesn’t it? Isn’t it so nice and warm?”
She hummed and rocked Sky back and forth, the warm water and the motion hypnotizing them both. Before long, Sky’s sobs subsided. After a few moments, Sky wiped her eyes, glancing up at Lily with a look of wonder. It was a look Lily hoped to see over and over again.
“Mommy, it’s so warm. I don’t ever want to get out.”
Lily didn’t want to get out either. She leaned back against the porcelain tub.
“Chicken, we can stay as long as you want.” She wasn’t sure how long they stayed in the bath. The water grew cold and Lily refilled the tub again. They tried out the array of shampoos and bath gels that Eve was obviously still obsessed with—Lavender Dream, Lemon-Ginger Zing, and something called Twilight Woods, which smelled of pine trees. They stayed until Sky began to yawn and they both started to prune, and even then, Lily wanted to stay longer. But she knew no amount of soap and water could wash away what they’d endured. The voices were growing louder, and she knew that Abby would be here soon. Lily wanted to be ready when Abby arrived.
She climbed out of the tub and wrapped big, fluffy yellow towels around them both, marveling at how soft and clean they were. She tenderly untangled Sky’s long dark mane of curls, then ran the brush through her own long blond hair and braided it. She ignored the mirror, not wanting to see herself like this, tired, gaunt, and ravaged by her ordeal.
Lily carried Sky back to her old room, the room she’d once shared with Abby. Her mother had laid a pair of blue jeans and a worn gray sweatshirt on the bed. Lily pulled them on, thrilled by how comfortable they were, loving the feel of the soft cotton against her skin. With Rick she was only allowed to wear what he deemed appropriate attire. Frilly, girly summer dresses. Sexy cocktail dresses. Lingerie. He allowed nothing comfortable, no versatile clothing. But these clothes were perfect. Baggy and loose, they covered her figure completely. They made her feel invisible.
Lily dressed Sky in an oversized sweatshirt, and she wrapped a blanket around her. Sky fell asleep almost instantly. Lily cradled her daughter in her arms and headed downstairs. From the landing, she saw police officers milling about. Mom was in the living room, quietly talking with a tall, imposing man wearing a police uniform and a stern expression. Instinctively, Lily knew he was in charge. As if he sensed her presence, he locked eyes with her. His shocked expression mirrored the one Mom had worn when she’d opened the front door earlier, though this man did a better job of recovering. Mom hurried over, ready to make the introductions.
“Lily, this is Sheriff Tommy Rogers. Sheriff, this is my daughter Lily and her daughter Sky.”
“It is very, very good to see you, young lady.” But he kept a polite distance as if he could sense Lily’s mistrust. She couldn’t help herself. She gazed nervously at the other officers in her living room. Their probing eyes seemed to bore into her, their unanswered questions lingering. She fought her rising panic. Sheriff Rogers seemed to know exactly what she was thinking. He snapped his fingers, and like a well-choreographed army, the men stepped outside and closed the door behind them.
There was a moment of silence, her mother and Sheriff Rogers waiting for her to speak. For a brief, insane instant, Lily longed for that damp, cold hole she’d climbed out of. She knew the rules there. She knew what to think, what to expect, how to survive. Here, she knew nothing.
“Where’s Abby?” she asked Mom, trying to keep her voice neutral, trying not to show how afraid she was.
“She’s on her way. She’ll be here any minute,” Sheriff Rogers said. Lily’s arms trembled violently, worn out from carrying Sky for so long.
“Maybe you should sit?” Sheriff Rogers said, clearly worried she might drop Sky. He gestured to the sofa, and Lily moved toward it. She gently set Sky on one of the cushions and then settled down beside her. She leaned back and closed her eyes. Mom and the sheriff moved away, but Lily heard every word.
“She hasn’t told me anything,” Mom said.
“We need to act fast, Eve. It’s important.”
“I don’t want to rush her. Or upset her.”
“I understand, but if there was an abduction…”
“If?”
Eve’s voice rose, and Lily’s eyes snapped open. His question echoed in her brain. Did he doubt her? Could he possibly think that she’d stayed away on purpose? That she’d had a choice in the matter? Maybe he knew Rick. Maybe he was in on it all along.
Lily stared at Sky. The pressure to keep her child safe was all-consuming.
Don’t be weak, she told herself, but an uneasiness she couldn’t shake was working its way through her bones. She was still studying Sky when the front door opened. Lily knew instantly that Abby was here. Lily turned and saw Abby standing in the entryway. The sight of her sister, alive and safe, was almost too much to bear.
“I knew it, I fucking knew it,” Abby said.
Lily wanted to remember this moment. She wanted to replay it over and over again when the dark times with Rick came rushing back. If she had seen Abby before she sensed her presence, she might not have recognized her. Abby’s features were heavier. She was carrying a good twenty pounds on her tiny frame. Her hair, which she’d always worn long, just like Lily’s, was cut short in a bob, a deep vibrant red replacing her golden-blond locks. But her eyes were unmistakable. Green with flecks of gold. The same eyes that comforted Lily in her dreams each night for eight years.